dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
