Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
