I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
