pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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