My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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