Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
