I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
