Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
