she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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