On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
