Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
