You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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