Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
