I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He felt like a one man threesome
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
