He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
