I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
