Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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