It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
