I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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