Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
