Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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