The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize