Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I deserve this hangover.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize