They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
