I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
