so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
