Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
