I need to stop coming to work sober
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
