Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
