the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize