wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
