i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize