Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Houston, we have a squirter
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
