I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
