no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
