When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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