There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
