yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
