You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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