Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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