Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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