her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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