Can i not drive my cunt home
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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