Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
