I smell stomach acid.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
