I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
