The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize