If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize