..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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