he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
