why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
