i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
