Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
