***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
