Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
