We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
