I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
