seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
