I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize