god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it was like eating out sand paper
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
