Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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