woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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