That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
